Just Make a Real Gas Bottle Holder Ad

Ugh…so now they’ve churned out yet another Transformers movie. The original was fun and all, and it was a cinematic experience to see how a select few transformer technicians balanced their daily lives with the knowledge that they were responsible for the city’s power grid. You know, real human interest stuff. And then they went and ruined the ride by making a sequel with all kinds of action scenes that really didn’t fit the tone at all. And another. And another.

Now we’re up to Transformers 5, and it’s the worst of the lot because they moved production to Melbourne and the movie was so bad no one will want to come here. I mean, I like how they’re supporting local businesses. I recognised Melbourne’s best aluminium toolboxes getting their own endorsements in the movie, and also the transformer technicians using them on-screen, so that’s…fine? I’m not sure. Even if it’s product placement endorsing an industry I’d like to support, even the best movies can be dragged down by product placement. Takes you right out of the action every time. And then there was that bit of dialogue that had NO PURPOSE, where the two guys were just discussing gas bottle holders and roof racks and bars. And sure, I know about that stuff so maybe I was supposed to think it was relatable, but…like, you don’t need to know about filmmaking to know those scenes were just there for the product placement. They have to serve the plot in some way, otherwise you might as well cut to a full-blown ad. I don’t know…maybe it was just the dialogue that was badly written. It’s tough to have two people talking about roof racks and bars and have it sound natural. Maybe it’s just that it’s five movies in and no one really cares about these people any more.

-Damien