Our Official Stance on Arborists

I guess you could say I’ve always had a lingering dislike for vegetables. It didn’t really go deep- I mostly liked the way they looked and I didn’t mind other people eating them- but I wasn’t about to start eating them myself. Fast forward fifteen years or so and I find out about the Greens Depreciation Society. I was curious at first, but I did a bit of digging and now…I’m a full-time member. We’re here to wage a constant war against the five evils: brussel sprouts, broccoli, cabbage, peas and green beans. Of secondary importance are capsicum and zucchini, but they’re not as prominent and not so worth the time.

However, our latest exploits have been mostly damage control. A rogue splinter group has broken off and is declaring death to all plant life, which is NOT our ethos. We could deal with it internally, but now they’ve started to harass people who do tree removal in Oakleigh and the surrounds, so as head of the Green Depreciation Society PR department, I have to lead an intervention.

My current press release expresses our indifference towards tree loppers, arborists, fellers and pruners. They do their jobs, we do ours, and the ‘GDS’ has nothing to do with their work. People like to twist our name online to make it seem like we’re thoroughly against everything growing, which is just silly…we have our five greatest enemies all spelled out, and trees are not among them. The Society of Mothers for Healthy Eating has already been giving us grief for our slanderous words against Brussel sprouts, so this is the last thing we need!

And when that press release is done, I’ll have to deal with the splinter group. Maybe I’ll send them some strongly-worded emails, stating that any harassment of Melbourne arborist professionals is thoroughly against our code. Let the people chop and lop trees without interference, and stop giving us a bad name.

-Vicki