Homes for Gnomes

What kind of home does a gnome like to buy? That is the question I ask Orman Swiftflow when I reached his rental house in Forgotten Springs. A little village of fantastical creatures tucked away between Beaumaris and Mentone, Forgotten Springs is a wonderful place to live. However, Orman has recently made the decision to leave this quaint little village for greener pastures.

“I’m really looking for a home that can accommodate a person of my size. You’d think I’d be able to find that in a town for magical creatures, but things are dominated by the elves here. Hence, I’m looking to buy elsewhere. I told my buyer’s advocate near Brighton that I needed a house with lower light switches and lower ceilings. They said they would see what they can do.”

Curious, I question Orman on why he felt he needed a buyer’s advocate. Melbourne houses are plentiful, even for someone as small in stature as Orm. Can’t he just walk into a house for sale and speak with the real estate agent?

“Unfortunately, that is not the case,” he told me. “There’s a lot of prejudice toward gnomes, so having a buyer’s advocate allows me to remain anonymous throughout the entire process. The buyer’s agent will deal with the real estate agent on my behalf, so that they can’t discriminate against me for my small size, or the ridiculous notion that all gnomes are pranksters. Sure, I like to pull the odd gag now and again, but that’s not going to make any difference to how well I look after my house.”

It’s a tough world for gnomes, it seems. I ask Orm what the hardest part about being a gnome in the current day is.

“Definitely, one hundred per cent, it is being mistaken for a dwarf. Sometimes I’ll go to the bar, and someone will ask me if I found any rare metals or gems in the mine today. I’ve never stepped into a mine or swung a pickaxe in my life! It’s just unbelievable.”