I Was the Coolest Kid

Found my old grade 2 English books the other day; since I just graduated and stuff, thought I’d have a look and see how my aspirations had changed. Not much, apparently.

One time the teacher made us write three things we’d like to do when we grow up. I had ‘RUN AWAY AND BECOME PIRATE’ (definitely still want to do that), ‘OWN A ZOO WITH DINOSAURS’ (why was this number two? I was an awesome seven-year-old) and finally ‘EAT HOT DOGS’.

I might not have really understood what we were doing. Still, I can say I’ve done a lot of that as well. Still love me some hot dogs.

Of course, Mum and Dad got hooked on the idea of me going to a school of plumbing in Melbourne, after that one time when I managed to fix our boiler and stop to kitchen sink from overflowing all over the place. Like, they were really set on me being a plumber. I found my workbook from year 7, and I’d written a short story in which a boy runs away and becomes a famous entrepreneur, against the wishes of his parents, and finally gets them to see his true talents. So apparently I took a lot of cues from real life and turned my pain into writing, or whatever.

So I’m good with my hands and I fixed the plumbing that one time. Did the parents also miss that I’m great at origami? And one time I made a cabinet in wood-tech that they still use? They weren’t all over me to be a carpenter, so personally I just think they don’t like paying plumbing bills and want a cheap and easy way out. Like, got problems? Call your son, he’ll sort it out for free!

No thanks. I’m happy to find a great emergency plumber around Melbourne; meanwhile, I’ll be choosing my OWN career. Maybe I’ll be carpenter, but don’t expect any free cabinets. I already made you one, and it’s perfect.

-Patrick