App developers are the future

I have done it. I have proved that modern music is flat-out awful! As an aside, I’ve also proven that modern television is great, but everyone already knew that for sure. I mean, have you checked out Neat-Flicks recently? There’s this awesome new show, Danger Stings, all about a police officer who specialises in sting operations and is beloved by the police community, but then he ticks off a witch who curses him so he can only tell the truth, and then he has all kinds of wacky adventures trying to go undercover, set up stings and generally uphold his reputation while not being able to lie…uh, anyway. Great writing is all I’m saying.

But now, my new algorithm will prove to all my friends with terrible taste that they’re wrong. Objectively wrong. See, this is why I travelled to Melbourne for that software development course. It’s been a long slog, but this is my final project: the Tune Judge. It’s actually an app, even though I’m not studying app design, but we could submit any format we wanted and there’s a lot of crossover between app and software development. Basically, it’s like that one that you hold up to a speaker and it tells you what the song is (Kablam? Alakazam?) except this one goes a bit deeper. It analyses thirty seconds of the song, the instruments used, the repeated notes, correlates all this with how many times those exact melodies and tropes are used in other popular songs and gives you a percentage of how much autotune and general correction has been used on the singer’s lyrics. This isn’t just some rating of ‘BAD SONG’ or ‘OKAY SONG’. There’s real science behind it, and it proves what I’ve known all along popular music is repetitive, derivative and most of the ‘musicians’ that people go nuts for are actually talentless hacks. I thought it was obvious before, but no one believed me. Well, here’s proof, right up in your grill, backed up by science. I am the king of my app development course that I haven’t done yet, but I will. Someday.