Romance + Common Sense

So, after careful experimentation, I’ve noticed something important: big movie romantic gestures don’t work in real life. Well, not in the same WAY, anyway…basically, stay away from shock value and go for the trail of roses leading to a romantic candlelit dinner on the beach.

One that we can definitely rule out is the last minute airport dash. I did that with Sandra, my internet girlfriend from Columbia. She came to Melbourne, broke up with me and I climbed over the fence to see if I could stop the plane and get her to love me again. A short stint in jail later, I can tell you for real that was a bad idea.

Oh, and it’s best to steer clear of mobile scaffolding as well. That stuff has an important work use, it’s meant to be for people climbing around to do jobs up high and they really don’t appreciate intruders, particularly since if said intruders fell and broke their necks, there could be some complex legal issues. Alright, let me explain…I thought I was madly in love with a girl who worked in an office building in the Melbourne CBD, Ashleigh. Now, it wasn’t quite as intense as I thought at the time. We’d been on a couple of dates and she probably had the correct idea that while we’d work great as friends, there was nothing more in it. However, I was on the rebound from Sandra and I wasn’t accepting anything less than the true love who would mend my broken heart. Pro tip: get counselling if this is you.

Anyway, back to my stricken self. Ashleigh building was covered in planks and trestles and aluminium ladders- obviously they had a bit of work going on- so I thought…why not climb them to her floor with a bunch of roses? If nothing else, she’d be incredibly impressed with my climbing skills!

Turns out aluminium ladders are a lot harder to get down than up, so Ashleigh got to watch from her desk, unimpressed, as I was rescued by the fire brigade. She wasn’t that far up, so she could also see the police giving me a lecture. Romantic gestures…just stick to chocolates.

-Sam